Becky listening to Charlie Bonner talk about the election. HOT TIP! Listening is perhaps the most important part of the conversations you will have with your friends about voting. Photo by Nicki Lemon. Jumpsuit by Ft. Lonesome.

So you’ve decided to do the *very most impactful thing* you can do this election besides casting your own vote – you’ve decided to encourage people in your life to vote, too. CONGRATS!!! Your efforts might be what turns the tide in Texas. Won’t you feel so good knowing you did everything you could to protect us from gun violence, get our abortion rights back, fight climate change, and stand up for trans folks?!

“OK yes, but what if I feel awkward talking to people about voting??”

That is normal! But I always think of what Holocaust survivor and Nobel Peace Prize winner Elie Wiesel said: “Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” The reason our society has convinced us that talking about voting is awkward and has discouraged us from doing it is because our silence benefits those who are trying to take our power. When we are talking to each other, when we are informing each other, we are holding and using our power. Plus, like other things we can think of, it gets less awkward the more you do it!

“Eeek, okay, you’re right. But how do I start the conversation without being a weirdo?”

Make like researcher Brené Brown and lead with vulnerability. It is the most powerful way to melt people’s defenses. When we come at someone with an intense energy of “I am going to make you do a thing!” they sense that they are somehow under attack and their guard is immediately up. It is almost impossible for them to be receptive to whatever well-intentioned information you are trying to provide if they are on guard. 

I know, because even against my own best judgment this has been my response when friends or acquaintances have texted me a scripted message about voting. 

Them: This election is really important. Have you made a plan to vote?

Me (in my brain, offended): B*tch, all I do is think about voting, of course I have a plan! You think you’re better than me!?!?

Me (calmly texting back because I know they are just trying to help): Yes, thank you so much for asking! I’m voting Tuesday.

I’ve been in the role of “them” before and I didn’t like how it felt reaching out with a canned message like that. I felt it made me come across as a know-it-all or somehow “holier than thou.” It felt icky to me, and I’m pretty sure it felt icky to the friends I was reaching out to. 

So now what I do instead is begin with my heart-centered reason for reaching out to them, which is honestly that I’m terrified. 

FOR EXAMPLE (this is an example text conversation but this could easily be had IRL)…

Me: Hey friend! I hope you’re doing well. I know you’re probably getting a ton of political texts, I am, too, and I hate them lol. Even so, I’m reaching out because this election has me full of anxiety and one of the things that makes me feel better is talking to people I love. How are you feeling about the election?

NOTE: I did not jump in and ask them if they’ve voted or what their plan to vote is… YET. I led with my human experience and asked about theirs. People don’t want to feel sold to, they want to feel valued as a human.  

Them: I know, I feel nervous about it. I need to do my research but it’s honestly been kind of overwhelming.

Me: Totally, it took me a while to figure out how I’m voting on everything. But I just kept thinking how worried I am about my kids – I couldn't enjoy the Halloween parade at their school because I kept imagining what would happen if someone with a gun showed up. I really want things to change. What are the things you’re worried about?

NOTE: Using personal stories and experiences from your life is WAY more impactful than talking points from a politician’s website. It makes it personal to you, and the person who cares about you will resonate more with that. Plus it encourages them to think about the ways policy is personal to them. Finding out what issues motivate your friends will help you speak directly to their concerns and provide relevant information.

Them: I’ve been hearing stories about women who miscarry and then can’t get an abortion until they’re almost about to die. It’s so scary.

Me: I know, I think about that a lot, too. I just learned that the Texas attorney general could decide not to enforce the abortion ban if they wanted!! Isn’t that wild?? Do you want me to share the ballot research I did with you to make it go faster?

Them: Oh that would be amazing actually.

Me: Done. I also sent you a calendar invite for when I’m voting, in case you want to come with me! If I don’t put it on my calendar it might not happen, ya know? Can I count on you to vote even if you can’t come with me?

NOTE: One of the biggest barriers to getting to the polls is the amount of prep-work it takes. Most people don’t have the time, so providing good resources is a huge service! I really like Vote411.org as well as The Austin Common if you’re in Austin. Making a concrete plan to vote is also key – without a plan it’s human nature to put it off or even forget.

Okay, those are my best tips! Elections really are won and lost by the efforts of each of us. We need every single one of us pitching in this time. <3

For more of my election tips as well as information about how the elected offices impact different issues, make sure you are following me on Instagram @democrasexy.